One Night Stand Virgin

hotel bedroom
I have never had a one night stand………………..I’m giving you a few moments to pick your jaw back up. Lol. I know it may be surprising that a 33-year old single male has never had a one night stand before, but I promise you it’s the truth. I have never done a wham, bam, thank you ma’am (or sir…lol). Right after I started dating one of my ex’s, I told him that I’d never had a one night stand before. He immediately replied, “I’ll let you believe that lie.” Dude, seriously??? I was telling the truth, and I still am! Toddley is a one night stand virgin.

One night standing is something I’ve just never been able to bring myself to do, and my anxiety plays a big part of that. This is actually one of the few times I’m glad for my social anxiety. In general, I’m uncomfortable approaching strangers, but I’m nervous as hell to approach someone at the club or bar, and I pretty much never do. Whenever I go out clubbing, I always go with someone.

In fact, 2015 has marked the 1st time that I ever went clubbing solo in Atlanta, and I’ve been here nearly a decade 😮 On that historic night when I ventured out into the Atlanta nightlife alone, I was so proud of myself. I even went to two different clubs. I got eyed a lot, but no one approached me, nor did I approach anyone. Still, it was a major feat for me, and I was happy. #IDidThat 🙂

Plus, I’ve always been too paranoid about diseases to just randomly hook up with a stranger. So thank you, Anxiety, for keeping Toddley at bay. Lol.

Still, it seems like everybody and they mama has went home with somebody at least once in their lifetime. A friend of mine once told me that he’d slept with about 150 different guys, and that a friend of his had slept with around 300 guys. Huh???? How on earth does one accomplish that? Even an ex of mine decided to have a one night stand while on vacay, just so he can say he’d had one before. It was like a bucket list item for him.

bra hanging on doorIt doesn’t even matter what your race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation is either. One night stands do not discriminate. Straight people have them, gay people have them, black people have them, white people have them, Asian people have them….and the list goes on. An article on match.com even states that 44% of adults have had a one night stand. That’s a lot of people.

I applaud the one night standers out there. Y’all are braver than me. It takes a lot of courage and work to approach someone, make conversation, flirt, suggest going home w/ one another, figuring out whose house to go to or where to get a room (hell or even going to the bar’s bathroom for the truly freaky people out there), then actually going through whatever acts y’all choose to do, all while being complete strangers. Wow! Toddley can’t do it! Kudos to y’all though. Lol.

Maybe one day I’ll have a one night stand. It might be fun to do the walk of shame at least once in my life. Amber Rose sure seemed to enjoy it in her video for “Funny or Die.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s quite hilarious. I posted it below.

Where are my one night stand virgins? Am I the only oddball out here? Toddley wants to hear your thoughts on one night stands 🙂

**Warning** Video contains explicit language. **Warning**

**Sources

Milne, Carly. “10 Surprising Sex Facts.” Match.com. Match.com, L.L.C., n.d. Web. 29 Sept. 2015.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

 

Advertisements

That Pesky Face Weight

Across from the foot of my bed is a wavy-shaped, full-length mirror. It leans up against the wall, and every morning I’m looking back at myself as soon as I get up. I always find it interesting to see myself 1st thing in the morning in all my natural, unshowered glory. I glare at the mirror and study what I see, paying particular attention to my tummy and pecs. However, the area that catches my attention the most is my face. Not because I like to stare into my own eyes, but because that seems to be one area with some of the most stubborn fat. If you’ve ever had weight issues, then you know what I’m talking about.

Face Weight….yes, the chunky cheeks that come along with weight gain. That pesky face weight annoys me to no end. I’ve certainly gained weight over the last 3 years, although not to an unhealthy level thankfully. With all the constant traveling and sitting my last job required, weight gain was bound to happen to me. Honestly, I don’t totally mind my weight increase because I was too slim for a long time. However, I seem to gain weight disproportionately. I get bigger in my stomach, butt, and face yet nothing happens in my arms, leg, or feet. It’s so odd.

Now, I can deal with a gut. In fact, sometimes I like being pudgier. Who doesn’t love a dadbod??? (Not familiar with the dadbod…check out this article on Odyssey). However, I can’t get with the face weight. Yes…I know it’s what’s inside that counts, and I should be happy with myself regardless of my size, but I gotta keep it real. I’m just not all about that face bass :-/ No matter how much I’d like to convince myself.

Wikihow actually has a whole article on how to lose weight in your face. They even provide actual facial exercises. The exercises are quite amusing. For instance, there’s an exercise where you say the letters ‘X’ and ‘O’ over and over again. I tried it too. Can’t say I’m confident it will help, but what’s a few minutes of feeling and looking ridiculous if it’s gonna tone those cheeks 🙂

It’s funny because my sister recently told me that my face looked slimmer in a recent selfie I took. I appreciated the compliment, however I did confess to her that these cheeks are still very much full. I’ve just learned how to work the camera. Lol. After about 8-10 snapshots, there’s usually at least one that flatters the face.

You know Wikihow also said that alcohol consumption can cause facial puffiness. Maybe that’s my culprit. Hmmmm…..cut out wine or live with a puffy face???? I guess I better get used to face weight. Lol!!

Do you wish you could lose some weight in your face? What are your thoughts on face weight? Toddley wants to know!

My Neighbor Won’t Stop Having Sex :-/

Omg yall! I have been having a little trouble sleeping recently. Almost every night between 10pm-12am (sometimes later), all I’m hearing is squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak…..and I’m not talking about a mouse. No, it’s my neighbor’s squeaky ass bed. For a week straight, I’ve been subjected to the lovemaking sessions of the lady that lives above me. It’s driving me bananas!

I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone. She’s always by herself whenever I see her, and I never hear a man in her apt. However, last week when all this sexing started, I finally saw a guy with her. As they left her apt, I started to ask, “Are y’all gonna let me get some sleep tonight?”

They did it Tues night, Wed night, Thurs night, took a break Friday, had afternoon sex on Sat, then went back to nighttime sex on Sun. And yes, they did it Mon night (last night) as well.

Now, I’m not hating. For the longest time, she hasn’t had anyone laying her pipe, or at least not that I could hear. I would very randomly hear her getting some action back in the day. And whenever she was getting some, you DEFINITELY knew it! She was VERY vocal! I thought for sure a few times that she was filming a flick up there.  Thankfully, she’s been a lot quieter with her recent sexcapade. The bed is loud enough. I couldn’t handle hearing both her and the bed. It’s not only the annoying squeak of the bed, but you can hear the headboard banging against the wall too. They are putting that poor bed to the test!

I don’t know…I’m happy she’s found her a farmer to plow her field, but Honey, you still have neighbors that don’t want to listen in on you and your man every night. I don’t know what to do. I’m in school, & I work early morning shifts. Her lovemaking conflicts with my sleep schedule. Should I say something? Should I just bang the ceiling with my broomstick to try to quiet them down? I just hope their lust dies down sooner than later. Have you ever shared a similar experience? What would you do if your neighbor kept having loud sex every night??? Toddley wants to know 🙂

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.