One Night Stand Virgin

hotel bedroom
I have never had a one night stand………………..I’m giving you a few moments to pick your jaw back up. Lol. I know it may be surprising that a 33-year old single male has never had a one night stand before, but I promise you it’s the truth. I have never done a wham, bam, thank you ma’am (or sir…lol). Right after I started dating one of my ex’s, I told him that I’d never had a one night stand before. He immediately replied, “I’ll let you believe that lie.” Dude, seriously??? I was telling the truth, and I still am! Toddley is a one night stand virgin.

One night standing is something I’ve just never been able to bring myself to do, and my anxiety plays a big part of that. This is actually one of the few times I’m glad for my social anxiety. In general, I’m uncomfortable approaching strangers, but I’m nervous as hell to approach someone at the club or bar, and I pretty much never do. Whenever I go out clubbing, I always go with someone.

In fact, 2015 has marked the 1st time that I ever went clubbing solo in Atlanta, and I’ve been here nearly a decade 😮 On that historic night when I ventured out into the Atlanta nightlife alone, I was so proud of myself. I even went to two different clubs. I got eyed a lot, but no one approached me, nor did I approach anyone. Still, it was a major feat for me, and I was happy. #IDidThat 🙂

Plus, I’ve always been too paranoid about diseases to just randomly hook up with a stranger. So thank you, Anxiety, for keeping Toddley at bay. Lol.

Still, it seems like everybody and they mama has went home with somebody at least once in their lifetime. A friend of mine once told me that he’d slept with about 150 different guys, and that a friend of his had slept with around 300 guys. Huh???? How on earth does one accomplish that? Even an ex of mine decided to have a one night stand while on vacay, just so he can say he’d had one before. It was like a bucket list item for him.

bra hanging on doorIt doesn’t even matter what your race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation is either. One night stands do not discriminate. Straight people have them, gay people have them, black people have them, white people have them, Asian people have them….and the list goes on. An article on match.com even states that 44% of adults have had a one night stand. That’s a lot of people.

I applaud the one night standers out there. Y’all are braver than me. It takes a lot of courage and work to approach someone, make conversation, flirt, suggest going home w/ one another, figuring out whose house to go to or where to get a room (hell or even going to the bar’s bathroom for the truly freaky people out there), then actually going through whatever acts y’all choose to do, all while being complete strangers. Wow! Toddley can’t do it! Kudos to y’all though. Lol.

Maybe one day I’ll have a one night stand. It might be fun to do the walk of shame at least once in my life. Amber Rose sure seemed to enjoy it in her video for “Funny or Die.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s quite hilarious. I posted it below.

Where are my one night stand virgins? Am I the only oddball out here? Toddley wants to hear your thoughts on one night stands 🙂

**Warning** Video contains explicit language. **Warning**

**Sources

Milne, Carly. “10 Surprising Sex Facts.” Match.com. Match.com, L.L.C., n.d. Web. 29 Sept. 2015.

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Happiness (Part 1)

Happiness is a choice. I have a wooden placard on the bottom of my entertainment center with that exact statement engraved on it. Although life can throw situations at us that cause uncontrollable unhappiness, for the most part, I truly do think happiness lies in our own hands.sunflower stuffed toy

I’ve mentioned before that I battle with social anxiety disorder. It’s something that has definitely been a root cause of unhappiness for me for many years. (A few blogs down the road, I will go into more details about my social anxiety). I try to be a positive guy, but sometimes it is hard. It’s been a struggle for me to stay positive over the last few years. I’ve dealt with breakups, dead end low-paying jobs, broken music dreams, and a job layoff…all on top of struggling with overall self-confidence. Things could have been worse; I won’t deny that. There are people out there facing hardships that I couldn’t even begin to imagine, but that still doesn’t discredit my own struggles. What’s a minor nuisance to one person, can be a major difficulty to someone else. So, I never judge people in regards to their struggles. You never really know how hard internally it may be for a person to cope with something.

Surprisingly though, despite all the distress I’ve felt over the past few years, I still sincerely believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know where this light is coming from, but I swear I can faintly see it.

I feel lost many times. I’m in school now, and I’m proud to be educating myself and working towards a new career. Still though, sometimes I question my decision to go back to college. I wonder….did I choose the right major? Did I make a mistake taking out student loans? Will I get a good job? Can I really stick with this for four years? Why am I putting so much work into this instead of music? Should I just drop out and go be a truck driver? Will my parents be proud of me? These are questions I sincerely ask myself. I literally have to be my own shrink sometimes, when my mind starts thinking too much.

I have a dream I’m trying to fulfill though, and I’m trying my best not to let myself get off track. I really have a number of dreams. The overall dream though is to build a solid foundation for myself, and I honestly don’t think I can get it without some sort of education. I want to build a life of happiness.

Happiness…that word means different things to different people. Personally, I don’t think there’s one thing that makes a person happy. Happiness comes from a variety of things. To be truly happy, one has to be happy emotionally and financially as well happy in one’s career and relationships including family, friends, your significant other, and most importantly, the relationship with yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never allow yourself to receive happiness in all the other areas of your life. I know this all too well.

Anyhow, I could write forever on the topic of happiness. In fact, we might have to make this blog into a mini series. This is part 1. I’ll continue with part 2 either next week or in a few blogs from now 😉

Do yall have any thoughts on this thus far? What makes you happy? Do you think happiness is a choice? Toddley wants to know 🙂

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Religious Freedom or Selfishness???

Now, normally I stay away from discussions involving religion or politics, but this story about the Kentucky Clerk was irking my nerves too much to not talk about it. I needed a big ole glass of wine to process this one. I’m sure most of you have heard about this story. I’ve included a link below to NBC news so you can read all about it. In short, a county clerk in Kentucky named Kim Davis was refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. This was after the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal nationwide too. She ended up getting arrested, jailed for a number of days, and finally got released today. Mrs. Davis and her lawyer were trying to say that issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples violated her religious freedom. Ummm…..what?????? Boo, you gonna have to give me something better than that.

Now, let me acknowledge that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Everyone is also entitled to their own religious views. That’s what religious freedom is all about. It doesn’t bother me at all that Mrs. Davis doesn’t accept homosexuality. I’m a gay man myself, but I still respect her views. I don’t agree with her views, but I do respect her feelings. We’re not all required to think the same way.

However, I have a problem with her forcing her views onto others, and that’s exactly what she’s doing by refusing marriage licenses to the LGBT community. You can’t use religion as a reason to not do your job. Religious freedom doesn’t mean you have the right to break the law & deny someone of their right to a marriage just because YOU feel the marriage is a sin. #NotCool. If you have a problem with issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, then you need to start looking for a new career, Boo! It doesn’t matter how many years you may have worked at that office. It doesn’t matter how much you love your job or how comfortable you have gotten from working there for so long. None of that is society’s problem. Either do your job or get the hell on. Perhaps she would be better suited working as a nun or a teacher at a Christian Academy.

Religious Freedom means you have the right to practice any religion you choose or to not practice religion at all. (ACLU.org details it quite nicely). It doesn’t mean you get to force your views on others when their views conflict with yours.

Personally, I don’t feel her decision was all about religion. I sense it was probably more out of general homophobia than religious beliefs. I wonder if a couple that was of Buddhist faith decided to come to her office to get a marriage license, would she deny them a license because their Buddhist views don’t coincide with her Christian views? Who knows. My gut tells me that couple would’ve left her office with a marriage license in hand though. But, I could be wrong :-/

I just feel like if you’re going to play the religious freedom card, then you better play it fairly. That means you have to realize that just as you have the right to believe whatever you choose to believe, others have the same right to the believe whatever they choose to believe. You can disassociate yourself with someone with opposing views on your personal time, but when it comes to business and the law, your religious views have to take a backseat. In this country, church and state are separate, and people tend to forget that. It’s not like Mrs. Davis owned a little, independent bakery and decided to not make a wedding cake for a gay couple because it went against her religious views. Even though a decision like that would bother me, I get it, and she would legitimately have the right to deny that couple service. However, she doesn’t have that kind of power where she works. She grants marriage licenses for a living, and she can’t override the Supreme Court. Plain and simple.

Anyhow, I hope one day this world will become more accepting to everyone regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or other unique characteristics. I say do what you want and believe what you want. As long as you’re not harming anyone else or spreading hatred, it’s all good with me. #SpreadLoveNotHate. What are your views on this story? Toddley would love to know 🙂

*Sources

NBC News: http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/judge-orders-kim-davis-freed-kentucky-jail-n423541

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/04/us/kentucky-clerk-kim-davis/index.html

American Civil Liberties Union: https://www.aclu.org/your-right-religious-freedom

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I Love Being Single…I Think

It’s another Monday night of fast food and fatigue. Mondays are a taxing day for me. I’m up at 5am to start work at 6am, and I have class at night on campus. Every Monday also follows my tiring schedule of 3rd shift hours on both Saturday and Sunday. By the time it reaches 9pm on a Monday night, I’m freaking beat! Things could be worse though, so I’m grateful.

As I write this blog, I’m sipping on a glass of Frontera brand Vintage Red wine. It’s cheap wine, but I like it. It serves its relaxation-inducing purpose. I also have the soothing, sweet sounds of 1960s Dionne Warwick playing in the background. As she eloquently serenades me with the lyrics of “Make It Easy On Yourself,” I can’t help but reflect on being single. This is the 1st time in years that I’ve been completely single….as in I’m not even dating, talking to, or “friends with benefitting” anyone. Overall, I love my freedom. It’s such a pleasure not to have to worry about anyone but myself. No arguments, no compromising, no wondering if they’re telling the truth, no worrying about if they’re cheating, no having to spend extra money on dates all the time….and most importantly, I have the bed all to myself 😉 I do what I want, how I want, whenever I want, and it’s fabulous!

However, there is one thing that being in a relationship provides that a pet, a career, money, partying, a hobby (or anything else we single people focus on to take our minds off of being single) simply can not. Companionship! Now don’t get me wrong, pets can be great companions, and they can certainly alleviate the loneliness of a night at home alone. But no matter how much I may talk to my dog and ask for her input, she just never has anything to say. Lol.

I miss having that one person around that I can always talk to. Whether I’m sad, pissed off, happy, or insanely excited, it’s nice to have that one person who’s always just as happy to provide a listening ear as you are to have them listen. Now that I’m juggling school, work, and living alone on an incredibly tight budget, I find myself wishing that I had a companion’s shoulder to lean on. Yes, I have friends and family, and I certainly do use them. But, it’s not the same as talking to your significant other. This is my 3rd semester in school, and I’m learning that the semesters are not getting any easier. They’re actually getting more challenging. I can’t help but wish for a partner to keep me encouraged.

Thankfully though, I’ve learned to be my own life coach. Every moment I feel like I want to quit, I give myself a pep talk and remind myself that despite all the stress, hard work will always pay off in the end. So although I may long for a significant other from time to time, I know I don’t need one to keep me focused on my journey. Still, it sure would be nice sometimes to have someone along for the ride 🙂

What are your thoughts? If you’re single, what do you miss most about a relationship? What do you love most about being single? If you’re in a relationship, do you miss anything about being single? Toddley wants to know.

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