Look, I get it. Sometimes it just feels good to say you’re dating someone, especially if you haven’t dated in a while. We all have our insecurities, and it’s wonderful to come across someone who thinks your pudgy little belly is cute or those freckles on your face are hot.
However, don’t let your new boo’s charm and good looks blind you to their flaws. While no one is perfect, there are some basic necessities anyone you date should have from the start.
I’ve got a list of 3 basic things you should look for when you start talking to that new guy or gal. Even if they check off just 2 of the 3, you’ll be off to a good start. However, if they can only satisfy 1 item from this list, proceed with caution.
If they don’t even check off anything, then find the nearest exit, boo! They are not boyfriend or girlfriend material. Sure, they may be sweet, funny, and can lay that pipe better than Roto-Rooter, but 2 months into dating them, and you’re going to find yourself annoyed as hell.
This may seem like a given, but all you have to do is watch Judge Judy for a week, and you’ll see how many people surprisingly date someone without a job. And I don’t mean someone who is jobless for a good reason.
Yes, there are times where it’s okay for your bae to be jobless. Maybe they had a job making $80,000/year that they hated. However, they built up a hefty savings, finally told their annoying boss deuces, and now they’re planning their next move.
Maybe they are in college full-time or just spent the last 6 months traveling the world with money saved up. As long as they aren’t broke, being jobless isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Just be sure your boo’s joblessness isn’t a result of being lazy, or worse, losing their job due to being irresponsible. I once dated someone who lost a job the same week he started it. He stayed out too late partying on a Thursday night and was a no call-no show on Friday. I should have said bye-bye then, but I waited 2 months to accept him for the mess that he was. It was a lesson well learned in dating someone who doesn’t have a job or can’t keep one.
If your mate is unemployed, then they usually will be too broke to do things with you too. So, get ready to start paying for everything!
It also pretty much guarantees that they won’t be able to satisfy #2 on my list.
A Place of Their Own
When dating, you and your mate should be able to go to each other’s crib freely. Ideally, your bae should either live alone or be the head honcho of the household. That means they own the place or have the lease only in their name. That way, they can have you over whenever they want. Otherwise, you better start getting used to their roommates’ schedules and learn how to be very quiet when yall do the do.
More importantly, though, not a having a place of their own could be a sign that bae is financially irresponsible. If your new man lives in a one-bedroom apt with three other people, that’s a red flag! (Although if it’s Manhattan or San Francisco, I might let that slide. lol). Even worse, is he couch surfing or still living with his parents?
If any of those situations apply to your boo, don’t count on having many Netflix and chill nights at his place. In fact, you might not want to count on a future with him at all until he gets his sh!t together.
If you don’t mind having your new love come over to your house all the time, then that’s awesome! Hopefully, they’ll have no problem getting there, which brings me to the third item on my list.
Depending on where you live, not having a car is excusable. Places like NYC, Washington DC, and Chicago have such well-developed public transportation systems that car ownership is not necessary.
But if you live in a mid-sized city or some small town that lacks the luxury of such transit, then your boo needs a vehicle…point blank. Otherwise, be prepared to become their personal Uber driver. That may seem cute and fun in the beginning, but eventually, it will get old.
And don’t even think about letting bae borrow your car. You’re just asking for trouble. Your girlfriend of 2.5 months may be willing to help you pay your $500 deductible after she smashes your Corolla into a pole. However, you may find yourself ready to take her a$$ to small claims court. Play it safe, and date someone that has a car already.
Hopefully, this list will come in handy as you get back out there on the dating scene. At the end of the day, there aren’t any hard and fast rules for a successful relationship.
People can surprise you. The sweetest person could turn out to be a butthole 6 months down the road, and that guy who is a hot mess right now may have turned his life around a year later.
It’s all about what you’re willing to put up with, and what you’re not. Just make sure your personal must-haves are in place at the beginning so that you don’t start a romance you’ll soon regret.
Do you have any immediate dealbreakers when it comes to dating? What are your must-haves? Toddley wants to know.
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